Getting to know the U.A.E

Show Me the Money (Natova)

Leaving the almighty dollar behind and using the money here took some getting used to.  The currency here is very colorful and the bills can range up to 1000 dirhams or AED (Arab Emirate Dirhams). The coins are called Fils which consist of a .25 fil (equals approx .07 cents), .50 fil (.14 cents US) and 1 dirham fil (.27 cents US). The bills start at 5 aed (equals $1.36), 10 aed ($2.72), 20, 50, 100 ($27.22) etc. As you may know we do a lot of rounding. It’s good to know your four time tables as we tend to convert the values in our head to get a better understanding of how much we’re being charged or how much we’re willing to pay. Going shopping was a bit overwhelming because we need to deal mostly in the hundreds, so you feel like you’re spending 100’s and you are in dirhams, but you’re actually only spending about $27 USD when you convert it.

I believe Abu Dhabi prices their goods and service equivalent to the US or a bit higher pending the item. This was very disappointing because I hoped the dollar would go further, but what can you expect when you’re living one of the richest countries in the world. 

The other day Ray and I were in the grocery store picking up a few items before heading home for the night. We placed our items on the belt and the cashier gave us our total of 113.10 aed. Now, as mentioned above the smallest Fil is .25. So can someone tell me how in the world are we going to pay for our purchase without over paying or how would the cashier provide us with change if the smallest Fil is .25? We thought this was hilarious because it did not make any sense for the items to be priced in a way where it would produce totals that the fils could not cover. Sooooo…what exactly is the expectation here? Are we required to pay more than the items we worth or just walk away and let the store take the hit? Well, in this case there was an understanding between us and the cashier, even though she was reluctant, that 113 aed was enough. Crazy, huh? Now, the question still remains … why? The items should be price at .25 or .50 nothing else. This is just one of the things that make you drop your head and laugh to yourself or with the person with you.

Also, probably the number one thing that just drives us crazy on a daily basis is the fact that getting change is like some unspoken and forbidden act.  For some reason they (merchants) do not like giving change or breaking down a bill. Everywhere you go, no matter the bill they ask if you have a smaller bill. This is so frustrating because in most cases this is the reason why I gave them the bill so I can get change for this next person who will ask for a smaller bill. We always have to have it smaller bills on hand mainly because we need them for the taxis.   So now when asked if we have a smaller bill the answer is absolutely not.  And if you go into say an Adnoc (a gas station food store like Hess, BP, or Daily’s) to buy like a candy bar for 3 dirhams and pay with 100 dirhams, they might tell you that you either have to buy more or they can’t break the hundred.  Even with the cab drivers, it’s a risk handing them a hundred because they may not have change, and if they do you kinda feel bad because their body language make you feel like you’re doing something wrong, like your taking advantage of them by taking all of their money, even though you’re giving him a hundred dirhams!

A friend of ours told us they were in a coffee shop and a guy paid with a 1000 dirham bill. He was asked if he had anything smaller and he said no. Now, I do think that that was just wrong. He should have gotten a smaller bill for such a small purchase. The coffee shop had to come up with his change. Not sure how they deal with the high spenders here in Abu Dhabi?

The one good thing about the money here is that you do get to feel like a baller.  We carry 100 dirham bills all the time, and it does go quick.  Even though it is only $27 USD, you really do feel like you are packing hundreds on a daily basis. 

UAE from Above (Ray)

I came across a amazing video the other day about the U.A.E.  It gives a great overview, both literally and figuratively, of the Abu Dhabi, Dubai, and the five other Emirates.  It is filmed very well and for those that might not know much about this country, it is definitely worth a look.  It is about 26 minutes long, but if you just want to see Abu Dhabi and Dubai, those are the first two emirates covered for the first maybe 10 to 15 minutes.  The commentary is pretty good and the pictures are amazing.  Hell, it made me want to visit Abu Dhabi and I’m already here.  You will notice some of the places I have mentioned before on the blog.  Enjoy.

A Tiger in the Desert

Golf had never really been a sport I was all that interested in until a couple of years ago when I happened to tune into the Masters where I saw Tiger storming back from several places down to make a run at the trophy.  Unfortunately it didn’t go his way, but I was surprised that I was actually into it, into golf.  Prior to this I had joked about it all the time that I didn’t understand how anyone could watch golf on television.  It had to be the most boring sport ever invented and the easiest on the body, so pardon me if I don’t respect them as athletes.  That was my mindset.  But that as I said that changed it.

My mind further changed when Natova’s job, she was working for Samsonite at the time, offered her tickets to the The Players Championship golf tournament at Sawgrass while we were living in Florida.  The first couple of years she mentioned it, I was just not interested to actually leave my house to see people play golf.  I didn’t see myself as that into it.  But one year we did go, and I was impressed by how enjoyable it was.  Now it also may have had something to do with being in the clubhouse on the infamous seventeenth hole, and having food,  beverages, snacks, and whatever else we wanted.  We could sit outside on the patio, or hang inside and watch it on TV.  Not bad.  Unfortunately only about 20 minutes after we got there it started to rain.  We waited about an hour or so but eventually we called it a day, and shortly after so did the TPC. 

So I say all this to say we have a little experience going to golfing events.  I can only assume that’s what inspired Natova to volunteer for the Abu Dhabi Golf Championships, that and another couple, friends of ours, also signed up.  I initially said no.  I saw it too much like work at a time that figured I would just want to stay home and relax.  But when I went with them to the informational meeting at the golf course to pick up their uniforms, I must say I felt a bit left out (well that and the gear they were getting was actually pretty quality: two shirts, one red, one white, a light jacket, and a hat, all with the Abu Dhabi Golf Championship insignia.  All of it was well made.)  So I put my name on a list where they would call if they needed extra help.  Lo and behold, a couple days later I got the call.  I had Tova pick up my uniform the next day and we were all set for the tournament. 

As you would expect this is the biggest golf tournament in Abu Dhabi.  This year all the best golfers were going to be here, Rory McElroy, Adam Scott, Jason Day, and of course, Tiger Woods.  Natova was scheduled to work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, while I was only doing Friday and Saturday.  We didn’t know exactly what we would do until we got there, but it was good chance that we would be marshaling. A marshal is one of those guys that shush you when you are talking to loud while a golfing is taking a put, or teeing off or whatever.  We have paddle signs that read “Quiet please” on one side and “No cameras” on the other.   There are two types of marshals: a walking marshal and a stationary marshal.  Stationary marshals are assigned holes or landmarks on the course where they do not let patrons cross the course while a golfer is playing through.  The walking marshal follows a group of golfers around and act as their “shush” bodyguards for the course. 

Ironically, Natova was sick on the first day so she had to stay home, while I went out to work.  Both Erin, half of our couple friends, and I were scheduled for Friday around 11:00am.  Justin, the other half, was already there early. 

I have to talk about my first few minutes walking into the Golf Club.  Shortly after we got out of the car we walked up a small road around the clubhouse that lead to the greens.   Even before we got there, as we were walking up a path leading towards the practice tees,  I noticed this guy brush past me wearing a bright pink shirt.  He seemed to be booking it pretty fast, his strides carried him quickly to the clubhouse building shortly after he past me.   It may have been the shirt that caught my eye at first, and right before he past me I got a look at his face.  Now I don’t really watch golf that much, so I don’t know many of the players.  Most of these guys I wouldn’t recognize them …well…if they walked right past me.  But there are two that I would recognize.  One of course is Tiger Woods;  The other is Rory McElroy.  I remember him at the Masters, the same tournament that I mentioned a minute ago, where he had a commanding lead and absolutely buckled under the pressure and finished probably barely in the top ten at that tournament.  I heard that the next big tournament, the US Open,  he came back strong as ever and went on to win.  Now here he was walking past me in Abu Dhabi at the golf club.  Pretty cool.  He was followed by what I can only assume was his “people,” about five or six guys, one of them his caddy.  Interestingly, there were no fans trailing him, only the occasional head turn (it was funny to watch him walk past other people and they kind of had the same reaction as I did with that questioning look on their face like “Was that…?  No, couldn’t be… Hey guy’s I’m pretty sure that was Rory McElroy…”).

Why, do you ask, was no one paying attention to Rory? Yep, you guessed it, because everyone, and I mean everyone, was occupied at the practice tees watching Tiger hit a few.  That turned out to be the very next thing I saw right after Rory.   I walked up maybe a couple hundred feet and come upon this huge crowd of people lined up outside the barrier, trying to get a glimpse at Tiger.  We weren’t that far away from him, maybe thirty feet.   Everyone was snapping photos and getting video.  I could never get a clean shot of his face with my camera, but I took what I could. 

After a few minutes Erin and I went up to the volunteer headquarters to get our assignments.  Turns out that I will be a walking marshal.  It was weird when the lady told me because she said it like she half expected either a reaction or resistance.  I didn’t get it at the time but I think I figured out why later.  She told me I was with Group 31 and she didn’t know who that was but I needed to be at the first hole at 12:30 to tee off.

I got a sense that everyone that signed up to help was secretly or maybe not so secretly hoping that they won the volunteer lottery and got  assigned to marshal Tiger Woods’ group.  I’d be lying if I said as I checked the player’s groupings that I was not maybe sorta kinda hoping that I might have drawn Tiger.  That quickly went away as I saw that Tiger’s group was Group 25.   It was Tiger, Rory, and Luke Donaldson.  That would have been insane.  But as it stands I have Goya, Finch, and some other guy. After walking the golf course for a little while killing time, my tee time finally came and we began. 

I have never played golf before, not on a real golf course doing more than just trying to hit the ball.  As I watched these guys play it made me appreciate the game.  There is a lot skill involved in this game, something I knew before, but now got a chance to witness in person.  I also go my first experience of being a part of an entourage, a very low key entourage but an entourage nonetheless. The only people that followed us must have been the family of the golfers, only a handful of people, maybe 6 at the most.  I must say it felt kind of nice walking the course with these guys, professional golfers.   I just thought to myself man to do this for a living must be great.  It was a beautiful day on the course, the sun was shining a light breeze swept across the grass, it was pretty nice.  It was literally a walk in the park….at first.  Gradually the walking took its toll, particularly walking uphill.  The standing around waiting for the guys to play didn’t help either.  I knew we were in trouble when two and a half hours in we were only finishing the 9^th hole- and my legs and feet were starting to ache.   I was tired just following those guys around, and they were the ones actually playing.  I gained a new respect for golfers.  And to have to do it four days in a row, that has got to be tough.  Not to mention the emotional ups and downs that must drain you too.  It actually started to get pretty interesting at the end of the day when on hole 14 Finch was in third place, and then sunk a birdie on the 13^th that tied him for 2^nd with Tiger and couple of other golfers.   Unfortunately, he dropped back down to third a couple holes later which is where he finished for the Day 2.  Still it was a pretty good showing. 

Right after sundown, five hours after the first golfer teed off, the day was done and so was I.  I was surprised at how exhausted I was.  As a volunteer you have to commit to working two days but I had pretty much decided that I was going to be “sick” that next day.  As it turned out I didn’t have to.  When I got home and looked at the schedule for tomorrow many of the volunteers had been cut due to the fact that there were a lot of golfers that didn’t make the cut.  So I had the rest of the tournament off, and Natova didn’t work that day either, though she did work Sunday. 

We both went out as spectators on Saturday.  I wanted to experience the course without having to work and it was nice.  There was a great “village” for the fans with all the venders and exhibits, golfing tips and displays, etc.  There was also a big screen and lawn furniture where you could recline and just watch all the action on there. 

We walked the course and it wasn’t hard to spot Tiger’s group.  Here is a little tidbit that you may not know.  On TV should you ever happen by a golf tournament, when you see Tiger there are loads of people standing on the sides watching.  That’s because this is true, wherever Tiger is there are a few hundred people following.  I actually got some footage of his crowd moving.  What you may not know is that everywhere else is a complete ghost town because of it.  Tiger is like a human vacuum and he literally sucks all the fans in with only sprinkles of people everywhere else.  When I was marshaling, most of the time I felt like we were the only people on the entire golf course.  There was no one within sight.  Then eventually we would pass a hole where you can see in the distance just hoards of people chasing Tiger. 

We joined the crowd and came up with a strategy that allowed us to get pretty good views of the action.  After we saw the group at one hole we would skip the next hole, and go to the one after that.  That way we get a good spot to catch the action when they do get there.  That worked well for us and I was able to get a decent video of Tiger putting.  We actually weren’t  supposed to take pictures but many people ignored that fact and took them anyway.  I had enough decency to cloak my camera so they couldn’t see that I was recording, only holding my camera in my hand. 

This was a great day to come because there was a lot of drama.  Tiger had positioned himself toward the top within striking distance, and Rory was right there with him.  We watched at the last hole and Rory actually landed his approach behind a huge big screen display that would show the rest of the action on the course when there was no one on the hole.  He had to pick his ball up because it was impossible to try from that angle.  He still managed to savage par on the hole I believe.  So I got to watch Rory and Tiger battle it out on the 18^th hole.  Not a bad afternoon. 

Overall I would say I enjoyed it, both working and watching.  I will volunteer next year, probably the same days so I can just have one day that I work.  Looking forward to next year.  

To Bidet or not to Bidet?

There are two things I would like to establish here before I even begin this post.  The first is that if this your first time reading my blog, go no further, you have already read too much (especially if you are one of my former students).  I would hate for this post to be the first impression that you get of both my experience and of my blog.  Please go back a few at least and work your way up to this one.  The second is a disclaimer, one I feel obligated to include.

Now,  in this blog I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  I want to be as honest as possible about my experience here.  So I would be remiss if I didn’t mention a most important and problematic part of that experience here:  which is of course…wait for it… the toilet situation.  So as my students would say back home, “its about to get real in here” and this uh… realness may not be the most pleasant to read (particularly while you’re eating).   With that said, let’s dig in shall we?

First of all, I had heard of the bidet before coming over.  I knew they were widely used in the U.A.E and that I would have one in the apartment where I was to live.  For those that are unfamiliar with this interesting contraption, chances are you have probably already seen them.  They look like a shallow toilet with a faucet attached to it.  And much like a water fountain water shoots out of it and the idea is that it will clean your nether regions after you finish using the toilet.  Now, I never quite got how you get completely clean from that, but I figure if the entire country is doing it, I’m sure there is some method to the madness.   Well, let me just say that I am actually more perplexed now than I was before I came over.

At least before there seemed to be the hope of something I didn’t know, but now that I have one and have attempted to use it, the whole situation just makes me scratch my head even harder.  First of all there is no seat on the bidet.  You don’t sit down on the thing at all.  No instead, these wonderfully designed objects makes you squat down onto the curved stream of water shooting out of the faucet.   So now you start out uncomfortable because it feels like you are doing endurance calisthenics. 

Now maybe in theory this should get you clean but in reality all you end up doing is creating an even worse situation.  The water pressure coming out of the bidet is not strong, at least not in the one in our house, and as a result it has the effect of dirt finding water.  Nothing gets washed away really, just made more wet and nasty.  I could give you the polite version and say you just don’t feel clean.  Or I could give you the “real” version and say that at this point you’ve got an uncomfortably wet behind with a moist residue of excrement floating between your buns.  Doesn’t sound like fun does it?  Its not.  So what do you do?  You’ve got a failed experiment on your hands and now all you want to do is clean yourself properly.   You stumble over to the toilet and use the toilet tissue, but guess what?  Apparently these toilets are not designed for tissue.  There is a good chance that everything you just dropped off will come right back up to visit you again.  When I had a conversation with the maintenance guy after having the toilet clogged, the first thing out of his mouth was “No, tissue!”   I’m sure he has answered many a call with a Westener on the other end of the phone calling about clogged toilets. 

But don’t worry, all is not lost.  Today, we are fine.   We don’t use the bidet, and tissue is okay as long as you don’t pile it in the toilet before you flush.  For every piece of tissue put in the commode, you have to flush it. 

The situation at the public restrooms isn’t any better, especially at my school.  I should mention that not all bathrooms have bidets in the U.A.E., some only have sprayers.  Yes sprayers, the same kind that you might find in a kitchen to do the dishes, or attached to a water hose.  And just like the water hose there is a nozzle on the wall where when you want to use it, you turn it on and when you are done, you turn it off.  This is what they have at my school.  First let me say that these are far superior to the bidet as far as general effectiveness.  Here you can actually adjust the pressure which helps in getting everything clean.  But this thing has other drawbacks.  The main one being that it leaves a puddle on the floor, which can be done a few ways.  The first is that the water sprayed just ends up coming out of the toilet, which for the person sitting down on this toilet, is a disastrous situation.  The hose is entered at the rear of the toilet (though there may be other methods to doing this- I never exactly struck up a conversation on this topic with other people), as you begin to get your bearings with your aim, the water could easily shoot past you and through your legs in the front of the toilet.  This is tragic because that means the water just landed on you dress pants around you knees or ankles and for the rest of the day you get to enjoy explaining to immature 11^th graders why there is a big wet spot on your pants.  Or, the water could take a more covert route and just dribble over the lip of the toilet bowl and collect into a puddle on the floor underneath your shoes, that is, of course, if there isn’t one there that its adding too.

 I might as well tell you that no matter what there is always a puddle of discolored water on the floor around the toilet, a puddle my colleagues and I have affectionately come to know as “a** water.”  The later in the day you go, the more likely you will find a nice puddle waiting for you.  Now what the contents of that tinted water is is anyone’s guess.  It could just be dirt, or urine, perhaps specks of fecal matter, or maybe a lovely cocktail of all three.  Regardless, you will have to have your feet in it whether you’re standing or sitting.  As you can imagine, the latter is the trickiest because there is a intricate dance you must perform where you try not to slide your pants too far down your leg or else your cuff will land in or skirt the disgusting liquid that’s already contaminated your shoes.   So you’re in this awkward position where you are sitting with your knees clenched together so the water from the hose doesn’t come out the other side (a position where you can almost literally feel your masculinity slipping away) and you are holding both pant legs up with one hand, while your other hand is literally tucked behind/under you, maneuvering this water hose to its intended target, which can be an adventure in itself, all the while teleporting yourself to your happy place trying to ignore both the sound of the sprayer in the next stall, now that you know what it is being used for, and the random scenes your imagination flashes in your head to help you answer the question that you have been trying to keep out of you mind the entire time, which is “how did this water surrounding my feet gain its wonderful pastel hue?” 

Sadly, I am not the only one dealing with this situation.  I have heard the female teachers teaching Kindergarten through third grade complain about the same thing.  In fact it may be a bit worse for them because they have to wear abayas to work (black robe-like covering worn by women over their regular clothes) and most of them usually touch the floor to cover their ankles.  So when they take these little kids to the bathroom, it’s pretty much unavoidable.  The bottom hem of their abaya is soaked with this nasty puddle.  And unfortunately for them, with the kids so young, that puddle is either less of a mystery because there is so much of one thing, like say urine- or worse-, or more of a mystery,  because there are so many things mixed together.  While they are in the bathrooms they say they try not to think about it, though as you would expect, there is a constant reminder once they leave because of the wet hem that is constantly brushing against their ankles and feet as they walk.  Yeah it’s pretty gross.

Well I hope you enjoyed our little excursion into the restroom practices of Abu Dhabi.  I have to include that it’s not always like this everywhere.  I have been in some pretty nice bathrooms while I have been here, so I don’t want my reader thinking that the entire city is living in filth.  But there certainly are some bathrooms out there that could stand for a good cleaning.  Anyway, this concludes my post.   It is recommended that you wait at least fifteen to thirty minutes before eating again.  ‘Till next time.