A Long Awaited Arrival

I apologize to all my readers for dropping off of the face of the Earth for the last 3 weeks.  I knew that there would be an inevitable lapse in my posting,  but I didn’t anticipate it to be so long.  Apparently, it’s just as easy for one’s time and attention to get consumed by everyday issues here in Abu Dhabi as it is in the States.   My days are now filled with an exotic concoction of learning what documents I need to get for my wife to get her residency visa, calling ADEC and Nirvana travel agency to see what I need to have to do in order to get Natova here, which in itself has its own process, and just dealing with the demands of developing and implementing a curriculum to students that don’t understand 90% of what you are saying.  On top of that I had to take them all off the pedestal I put them on in my earlier blogs.  Though they are at a different level as far as character, my class has turned into the Arabic version of everything I had to deal with in the States, with some differences here and there obviously.  So things are a becoming a bit more challenging as of late, nothing I can’t handle though.  It just may not be as smooth a ride as I thought these two years.    

There have been several developments since I last posted.  The most recent and most important of which is that my wife will be touching down on Abu Dhabi soil at around 8:00pm Sunday night.  While we are near the subject, this may be an opportunity to say a thing or two about the experience of being away from my wife for these last two months.  I have learned alot about maturity and loneliness.

I’ll start by saying that long distance thing is not unfamiliar to us.  Of the first three and a half years of our relationship, only 8 months of it was spent in the same city.  The rest was spent bouncing around between Tallahassee to Jacksonville to Melbourne.   When I was activated, I deployed with my fellow Marines to Camp Lejuene, North Carolina during Operation Iraqi Freedom I.  I stayed there for 6 months and would only see Natova for about once a month.   I was also gone for two months while in MOS school (Military Occupational Specialty) at Camp Johnson, NC.  I didn’t get to see her at all during this time.  Additionally, I was appointed with the burden/privilege of being Platoon Sergeant.  That put me in charge of 20 Marines, and if they fail it was my fault.  I was responsible for everything from setting up study sessions for those Marines that were struggling with the supply system programs we were learning in class, to making sure that no one got drunk and made a jackass out of himself out in town and if so managing that nightmare of a situation, to making sure that everyone was present every morning in formation with a fresh shave and an ironed uniform, or else we both paid.   Needless to say, that was a fairly stressful point in my life.  But I managed to make it through, take care of business, and come home to see her.  No problem.  Granted this was early in our relationship, we had only been together a little less than a year.

I think coming to Abu Dhabi I had a similar mindset, but after a month it became more problematic for me.  I’m learning that my mindset I had then is not going to work for me now, I’m just a different person.  Growing up, you might say that I wasn’t exactly the most forthcoming with information (my mother would often say it was like pulling teeth to get me to talk) even if it was important, particularly information anything about how I felt.  I would just deal with it, suffer in silence so to speak.  I was always fairly independent and isolated, even with my own family, which lent itself to taking extended absences or just being alone for long periods of time.  In fact, I often preferred to be alone because it gave me time to think, something I tend to do a lot of.  I managed to use this isolation to great benefit throughout most of my life.  I was comfortable with change, with circumstances and even people.  People would come and go, and while I would appreciate their presence while they're around, I would never lament their departure.  There are very few situations of any kind where I can't walk away feeling very little emotional residue.  What ended up happening when I got married is I still held onto a bit of this independence and isolation.  I had it tucked away in a box and I lived my life from two different places, “us” Natova and I, and “me.”  I didn’t really realize this until…now.  I thought that I had opened up for my wife, and I am sure to some degree I did, but not really.  

For a while, I could not figure out why I was lonely here in Abu Dhabi, because this time alone is usually when I flourish.  It’s the time when I make all kinds of breakthroughs about life, religion, and most importantly myself.  I have been away from Natova before even longer than what I am doing here, with equally stressful circumstances, so why can’t I focus?  Why am I not making progress and succumbing to loneliness?  Ironically, I now realize that I am making progress and the breakthrough was my loneliness.  I’m lonely because half of me is missing.  

 When I say I have learned about maturity, it’s in terms of the maturity of our relationship.   In my past absences, our relationship was growing, but now we are at a different, closer and more intimate place with one another on all levels.  We are much more intertwined, and we are married.  I think I’m allowed to miss my wife, to need my wife.  And therein lies the breakthrough: I need Natova.  I need her with me.  I need her presence around me.  I need to see her when I come home. So simple a concept but I have never experienced it to this degree.  I guess I’m cracking open that box and letting my wife in.  It has never been easy in past attempts, what I now realize were past attempts, but being here alone has accelerated the process because it hit me from deep inside.  It’s more than physical (though, believe me, that doesn’t help), but I just need her in my life here.  I miss her dearly.  Luckily I get to see her in the next 24 hours, so I feel a lot better.

Forgive me if I got too deep and/or personal but the blog is the Abu Dhabi Experience, and this has certainly been a part of my experience here in Abu Dhabi.  Till next time…